the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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