She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
