I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
