Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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