can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
