Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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