also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
