i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
