The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
