I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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