I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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