Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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