I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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