why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
