They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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