its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize