i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm passing your future prison.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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