hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
