well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
