In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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