the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
