Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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