You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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