Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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