Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
