I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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