you didnt know i had herpes?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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