Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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