I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
