Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize