Your mouth is God's brothel.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
