Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
