Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
