You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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