We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This toilet bowl is my home.
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