i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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