One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
