remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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