Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
