i just google imaged poop.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
