The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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