i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Mom said you looked used
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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