I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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