Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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