If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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