weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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