I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize