Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
