no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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