Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize