I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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