Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
