chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
