i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
