3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
