Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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