it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
