He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
