My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
