oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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