This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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