Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
