I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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