Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
