I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
