i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
